Another beautiful scene...
movie... ummm ok
but the scene
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
for me writing a paper= going through blogs, listening to music, searching for some sources, going through more blogs, getting up to grab something to eat, sitting down, writing 30 words, watching videos on youtube, getting up, getting something to drink....
and it goes on and on...
a paper that could be written in 2 days, takes a week for me to finish...
tomorrows the due date I wrote 1200 words for my 2000-2500 word paper...
how the hell am I gonna find words?
this is so damn boring!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
Just watched this movie. This scene is absolutely wonderful, real, relatabale and beautiful.It is on my list of favourite scenes ever. The movie as a whole is good, it has this quirky dark humor to it, which I absolutely love. But this scene is just... the best part of the whole movie.
Japanese Mythology- Juliet Piggot
Even when I sleep over at friends' houses and we stay awake all night, I still wake up before everyone else. If I wasn't the daydreaming, entertainig myself type I think I would've hated waking up before anyone else. But it's ok, I don't mind it much, except for the fact that I get so tired sometimes and wish I would sleep more, but the thing is, when I'm up then I'm up.
The only time in my life when I slept for long hours was during my sickness.
I'm so busy lately, I have no time to even breathe. It's good and bad....
I'm slowly starting to know more about myself and what I want from life....
the constant question of wanting to study Journalism or not is being solved....
through reporting for the caravan I realized that I like doing long features more than news... that I like talking to people and writing about them, describing scenes, more than reporting about a problem on campus with lots of statistics. I realized that I'm a slowpaced person, who won't be able to keep up with the Journalism beat, I'm more of a magazine person.
I'm also not comptetive at all, which really doesn't fit Journalism, especially newspaper Journalism.
I was doing this story about the campus at night, and I had a photographer with me, this guy who's also a reporter asked me if I want him to help out, I told him "yeah sure why not. One more person wouldn't hurt, it will make the story more comprehensive." This girl, the photographer asked me if I don't mind sharing the byline. I told her "no not at all. I only want the story to be good." The only thing I'm competitive about is sports, which is weird because when it comes to work I'm not competetive but with recreation I'm the most competitive person there is. It should be the other way round. The director of the Caravan really believes I'd be a good Journalist one day, which makes me happy because I was so scared of sucking at the it, the first day I started.
I was also very happy yesterday.
I never write poetry, the only attempts were a long time ago at school, but I never wrote poetry ever since. When I started this creative writing course I felt really bad about my writing and I didn't even want my writings to be shared in class, since I felt that everyone is so much better than me. Especially that on the list my name was on the day that poetry is being workshoped and I never wrote poetry, always short stories or thoughts.
But I managed to write one and then all the letters I got from others in my class were positive, they said it was beautifully written. I was sooo happy and relieved. I don't suck :)
It was also written in a form, I never thought I'd write a poem in form, the form is a sestina (look it up)... when I went out of class these two girls came up to me to tell me that my poem is beautifully written. This one girl said "I felt that there was melody floating, that I was somewhere else" and that was my intention of writing it, I wanted to create a different world. That's always my intention when writing actually. I'm glad. :)
isn't it weird that girls are more drawn to girls' writings and guys are more drawn to guys' writings? Personally, even if I love the writings of many male authors or males in genral, there's something very beautiful about the way women write, or maybe it's more relatable I think.
Maybe that's why I love females singers like Sia, Alanis Morisette, Bic ringa, Tracy Chapman, K's choice.... and the like.... because I feel it more...
that of course doesn't make me like Travis or Radiohead less. I absolutely love them.
but there's something to a woman's voice that I absolutely love.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
For the whole night I was thinking of nothing but "your legs are fat"
How pathtic is that?
Even when this guy who liked me ages ago was all like... "you got much prettier with the new haircut and all" or any other similar comment... I was annoyed at anyone who commented on my looks because in my mind I was the most unattractive person there is.
That's how he makes me feel...
ever since I can remember, that's how he always made me feel...
and I wonder...
why did I ever pick up the phone the first time he called
and why did I continue doing that?
and WHY did I let him affect me
and the thing is...
I don't even like him
and no it's not defense mechanism....
so many things he said were major TURN OFFS for me...
the only thing that made him bearable to me was that past we shared together
and that's it.
Now I will go through that busy day of mine...
and I will try not to think about it
even though I know it's not possible
the damage has been done
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
If I hear another person asking me "Why are you looking so lost" or "shaklek lessa nayem" I swear I'll shoot them in the head.
Yeah I know I give the 'lost' impression.... but I don't have to hear it every single second of my day!
I was once walking in university and I saw my friend's ex/boyfriend/something in between, he looked so lost. I think he gives the same impression I give.
So I laughed and told him "hey you look so lost. But don't worry, people tell me I'm like that. It's actually nice to know I'm not alone."
This guy, always thought I didn't like him, but I actually do. Once I told my friend that I want them to stay together because I like him. When she told him he said that he thought I couldn't stnad him. Which is weird, because I never did anything that expresses any dislike, but obviously I'm not friendly enough or something. He said that when I pass by him I just give him a smile and walk by, my friend, because she knows me well, said that that's how I am. I wonder how many millions think that I don't like them... just because I'm a bit... well, not anti social... but anti small talk person. hmmmm I wonder...
Monday, October 6, 2008
this vicious unending cycle between us,
doesn't seem to stop. Ever!
Our time together was this little magical glowing gem in my memory
its how my mind designed it to be
its how my mind wanted it to be
but now with every word you utter
a little bit of the magic is crushed
what do you want from me anyway?
you made me realize how much the brain deceives
how a fantasy can drown us in fake illusions
and it's pathetic really!
I can't even love you anymore
or feel anything towards you
Once a long time ago, my insides were bursting with joy at the mere sight of you
yeah, I remember quite well how I felt at that time
I remember just by a single touch of your fingertips, my body was filled with a rush
what happened to that?
Now I tell you about some of my deepest feelings and you laugh at them jokingly
yeah, I know that that's how you are, and that's how we're like together
but not everything is a joke
and don't get me wrong
I love laughter and jokes,
but it's not funny anymore
it's old repeated and boring
we're so different
from complete different worlds
how did I never notice that before
you think you're the best thing that happened to me.
you think I'm still ooohh so in love with you
well that's so vain of you
because I've been struggling with that
if I can't be excited about this
about something that I had longed for a long time ago
then maybe nothing will ever do!
maybe I have become incapable of loving....
In a very short time my heart beat and crushed and beat and crushed
it's become dysfunctional
Noone seems to strike my interest
and I give up
I give up on you
I give up on the search
the only reason i picked up the phone when you first called
was out of lonliness
was out of missing having a male voice at the other end, late at night before going to sleep
it's pathetic.... really really pathetic
all it did was make me feel more alone
I'm so angry at you
but more at myself
I'm a pathetic creature