How can one....
keep up with studies, go all the way to kattameya every single day, freelance for a magazine, have a social life, regularly wax hair, do all those family obligations, read, write and have a moment to relax and not look like a zombie by the end of the week....

how do people do it?

yesterday I found woman in her late thirties or even early forties jogging and wearing a T-shirt that says "I love cute boys". Seriously? It should've had "child molester" on the back.

the irony

the only good and healthy relationship that I've been in my whole life, is the only one that didn't devastate me when it ended...

Yesterday I told my friend that I want a new experience, not neccasarily guy related, actually I don't want a guy related one.
I want to travel, I want to do something so very unexpected.
When I was a kid I always wrote stories about this girl who prayed for an adventure before sleep everynight. And she did get her share of adventure, I on the other hand, did not.
My friend's sister is on a oneyear study abroad program in Japan and as much as I was so excited and even gave her websites to study hiragana and katagana, something inside me was asking: "why wasnt that me? Im the onle who always wanted to go to japan."

I feel I'm stuck in a major I don't like and in a life that I want to get away from.

I want to go somwhere and I want to break the pattern that Im afraid I would be stuck into.
It's my biggest fear lately

why is the ka3ba called beit alla el haram? Not only is it halal but holy.

In my imagination I'm funnier, wittier, more confident and stronger.
When I make up scenarious in my head I am that person. I'm still me, talk like me and act like me but I'm the version of me that I still can't be.

I miss being in my glasshouse, now I have one part outside and the other inside. It's confusing because I'm not really standing anywhere.

why does everyone try to enforce his own worldview upon me?
and nobody really asks me what I actually want
so 'advocate of promiscuity' wants me to drop the boyfriend and have fun.
"let go and have fun," she says "it's been going on for a long time anyways."

How could someone love two completly different people in one lifetime?

"everytime we talk again I feel that you grew since the previous time"
"well you knew me when I first entered university. I was very young."

and then I got 'the look' repeatedly

why am I getting more attention than I'm asking for?
Yesterday I realized how I left bits of me in places I forgot

it's hard to handle loving someone who doesn't love you back
but it's even harder to receive sentimentalities you can't give back

I don't know what's happening

final decision

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I know there's something but I can't really trace it or link it to anything. I sat on the balcony for an hour or so, just staring ahead, like I used to do. I'm tired of going here and there all day long. I miss solitude.

costume party

so I was thinking charlie chaplin
or with my boyfriend (pimp and prostitute)
me being the pimp hehe
any ideas?