I can't sleep
and I have nothing interesting to say
and I stopped feeling
I can't even have a decent cry
why am I blogging again?
oh yeah because I'm bored
and because it's almost 5 a.m. and I still haven't slept
and I have nothing better to do
or maybe I do but I don't want to get up and turn on the lights
what's worse
overfeeling
or feeling nothing at all
why can't I ever reach a middle ground in anything?
I seriously have nothing interesting to add
I hate it when I suffer from insomnia, it reminds me of the time when I was on extensive medication
now I'm finally off everything
so WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SLEEP?
I should at least try I'm waking up in a few hours

At first I wanted the post to look like this:
it's over it's over it's over
it's over
it's over
it's over
it's over
it's overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
or
ve
o
v
e
r
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
but this is how I really feel:
it's over :)

two conversations I just had:
with a friend (she called)
me: hey
my friend: 3mla eih?
me: kwayesa
my friend: eh el akhbar?
me: aywa ha?
my friend: da eh el baga7a dee
me: I just find it totally unnecassary we ba3den mesh konna lessa ma3 ba3ad
my friend: not everything has to be necessary ya3ny
my friend: ezzay enty mostafeza keda mesh mesada2a
me: thx

my mom
I'm wearing a jacket so she enters the room and jokingly says
"begad enty ghareeba ama el donya teb2a sa23a telebesy khafeef we ama el donya teb2a 7ar telbessy jacket"
I roll my eyes "howa kol ama teshofeeny te2ooly nafsy el gomla?"
she gets all sulky and tells me eny begad mostafeza

I know I can be quite unbearable sometimes but things like that annoy the hell out of me, especially when I'm exhausted and in a bad mood.

I was fighting too hard to stay balanced today and not to collapse and even had coffee to keep me awake even though I never ever do!
so now I'm exhausted and alert because my body is not used to the caffeine intake

I'm not rude right?

People say that the best years of your life are your college years
I don't think I have truly lived that experience
I got sick 4 semesters ago, so for 2 whole college years I've just been a walking zombie, skipping most of my classes
it doesn't make me sad though
because I know that when I get better I will truly live every single moment
I will try not to waste a second and really appreciate being healthy
I'm wondering if it was even neccesary, getting treated
a few days ago we had to choose the important news stories in editing class
so there was this one about a doctor stating that the source of hepatitis is belharizia and unhygenic syringes, everyone in class said that it's important
I disagreed because it's not news, I already know that this is the source of it spreading in Egypt
I said that I already know that fact
so then the professor told us that syringes weren't disposable back then
"most of my generation caught that virus"

I wondered if it was worth it?
did I have to get treated?
he said it so lightly
were all these days I spent depressed, exhausted, sick in bed... were they all in vain?
I sure hope not
I hope it was worth it

on a lighter note
I'm learning japanese :) and now I'm a member at the japanese library in Cairo hehhe
I was reading this book about haiko poetry and I'm so in love with haiko right now
I even made my first haiko attempt

basket stands alone
sunlight through the glasswindow
volumes of voices

It's crap I know

I wrote it in class... in a second keda but it's my first attempt
there are so many different types and things to consider and I still didn't finish the book
I just thought that 5-7-5 syllable one is the easiest
it doesn't even have to be written in three lines

it
can
be
written
vertically
like
that

haiko is so amazing
I might post my favourite ones from the book
I love japanese
I hope I'd be good at it

on the sparks and first moments

I almost always know from the very first second I meet a person whether one day I'll have feelings for him or not...
for me, it's really hard to get a casual thing going, it's either, I'm sooo into the person or I have no interest and never go beyond that....
casual things require interest but not too much interest, which is somehow impossible for me
for me it's all or nothing...
when I don't feel this electricity at the beginning, I always know I'm safe and it doesn't scare me this one bit to go further in it, but I never do because eventually I get bored ...
and when I do feel this electricity I always know I'm up to some real danger and I get scared, reallly reallly scared... but I still go further in it
so now, there's this person.... no electricity, no sparks, nothing...
but the thing is, I don't think I can put him in the boring category either...
this actually might be a casual thing
It's fun because I'm so certain that I'll never get hooked

What did sparks get me anyway?
tears, sadness and heartache

who wants that?

Paris, je t'aime

I always said I hated the frensh language, frensh people and everything frensh.... everytime someone mentions how beautiful Paris is I would just roll my eyes... I think it's because I was failing in frensh at school, and I simply can't pronounce frensh words. I think it has something with arabic being my first language and german the second.... german and frensh just don't click... anyway... after watching before sunset I thought... hmmmm maybe paris isn't that bad... actually, I know it isn't I've been there once as a kid, I don't remember much but I remember that it was a nice place, I remember Diseny world very very well though.

I watched Paris, je t'aime and now I realllly wanna go again... it's so beautiful isn't it? I wanna fall in love in Paris... it's such a cliche I know.... but a beautiful beautiful cliche....