Addicted to me

To him I'm like a drug.
He's like a person who's been rehabitilised for so long, stayed clean for years, but got tempted to just have one sniff... one little sniff...
and then returned to his old compulsive obsessivness.
Back in the days I mistook this obsession for love. When people tried to convince me that he doesn't love me I never wanted to hear from them. So how come he calls me all the time. And why is it as hard for him to end this thing as it is for me?
No one had an answer for me. It was confusing.
He never loved me, I know that now.
But he was adiccted to me. I know that for sure.
It's funny how a year ago I would've killed for something like that to happen.
Now, that it's actually happening, I'm wondering what it is that made me yearn for it so much.
I don't think I can ever love him again.
But I do understand what made me attached. There is something between us.
The concept of only having a 10 min phone call was an impossibility. It still is.
but somehow the jokes are not as funny as I remember them to be, the connection is not so deep as I thought.
I believe that we do have a connection, but not the one that would make me want to be with him in a relationship.
It's not like he even suggested anything of that sort. But we talk. Daily.
I don't even know what to make out of it. It's fun. and that's as far as I can get I guess.
Funny how time changes so much.
He told me I've changed. Well it's been more than a year what does he expect?
One day I say that people don't change, the next I say that a year changes so much in a person.

I thought that time would make us drift apart and become strangers. That's always my biggest fear when I let go of someone.
But I think...
that even if feelings change, even if some aspects of a person change,
this something that happens between two people stays forever
no matter how much time time passes it will still exist somewhere inside.
It makes me less afraid of time.
because some human connections can transcend the boundaries of time.
it is not love. At least not now.
but something feels just the same.
not about the way I feel towards him. But about we way we act around each other.
I am not afraid of time anymore.
It makes me wonder if...
that connection I once had with another person will stay the same
or if time will erase everything like a tide would with words written on sand.
Only time will tell, only time will tell.